Monday, June 16

dream1: (from fri afternoon, scribbled hastily as a reminder when i woke up after the 2nd dream)

heavy rain outside. inside a cafeteria. i am in front of a soda machine which has the sodas displayed thru a clear glass window. 7up, pepsi (why is there no cactus cooler in the east coast?! i miss cactus cooler!!)... i turn to talk to Jw and her friend. i make A giggle.

there is something on my hands, so i go to the coffee maker, take off the coffee pot, and try to wash my hands with hot water.

then A comes into the cafeteria, wearing a baseball cap, dripping wet. wait a minute.... was A actually S, earlier?

!!! i remember that i'm supposed to meet jimmy at 6. i look at my watch, and press the backlight, but it feels weird. it's not my watch. it is bigger, clunkier. a thought comes to me, am i me? then i realize that i must be dreaming, that i am sleeping in the call room, and ...

....i wake up.

whoa. first time i reasoned myself out of a dream. out of sleep. i have powers over dreams! like the BFG!!!! (anyone read that? i love roald dahl)

dream 2:

i feel like i'm in a video game. colors are solid and single toned. i can practically see pixels. things feel false, artificial.

i am standing with a group of smaller characters, in the middle of attacking a castle, which is only the size of a small house (yet distinctly in the style of a castle). several of the enemies come out. they look peaceful and harmless. i yet out, "attack!!"

my underlings and wizards look at me quizzically.

"what are you doing?" i yell. "you're supposed to attack!"

my wizard answers me sagely, "which attack? you're supposed to control me."

i pick up a manual from his cloak and read frantically, while my wizard looks at me. finally, he feels bad for me, and crinkles his forehead, to try to remember some spells. he looks toward the harmless-looking peaceful enemies and yells out unconvincingly, "get the h*ll out of here?!" instead of a spell.

the opponents laugh. i finally find a spell, and read it off to the wizard, who repeats the spell seriously in a low, gutteral mantra. but the good natured enemies are surprisingly adept in wizardry, because they counter everything with a spell of their own.

......
i wake up, heart racing. not in panic, but as if i've been running, casually exercising for miles. and yet, it felt like the best rest i've ever had.


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peds : the nursery

(the following is rated R. for what some may contend to be crude material. what can i say. it's true, it happened, and it's not meant to be offensive or crude. don't read if you think you are going to be offended. if you are one of those sickos that like to read even after being warned, trudge on, trooper!!!

my job today was to examine newborns. lots of fun. for part of the exam, you have to check their sucking reflex. you stick a gloved pinkie in their mouth, and they start sucking. and DO THEY. it was just my finger, so it didn't hurt, but i was imagining what it would feel to have my nipple in there, and boy. i don't think i'd want that. cause not only do they suck, but they clamp down with their palates, which are actually pretty hard. poor moms. poor my mom. she had three of us. i would definitely suggest my wife to pump her breasts to feed my kids. i want her nipples to be spared.

what a variety of babies. many diff ethnic backgrounds, many diff sizes. babies are amazing. a lot tougher than i thought. they come out with their fontanelles open (membrane on head where skull didn't fuse yet), so you can rub and feel their brains underneath. i remember seeing a pediatrician doing that and making a baby cry that during my 2nd yr. i was pretty upset then. but crying babies don't faze me now. i'm used to the sound. yup, i think i'm ready to be a daddy. i even changed diapers. yup. tarry stool. yum yum yum!

i like how babies are bundled up. like little papooses. hehehe

then spent some time watching cesareans. one CS was for twins. the mom's abdomen was ridiculous. it was practically pushing into her chest. when the OB delivered the kids, he took the first baby to the mom, spread the baby's legs and said, "whoa! check out THIS kid! he's HUNG!"

i was laughing, but man, VERY inappropriate. my peds residents were pretty upset.

i stopped by the nicu (neonatal intensive care unit) to see little 24 weekers. man, those little dudes look really sad. about the size of my hand. unbelieveable that they are even alive. you see all those little tubes and stuff coming out of such little guys, and feel really, really bad.

there was one preemie (premature birth) who couldn't breath on his own, wasn't able to move his respiratory muscles, so they had a little oscillator going for him. what one sees is the chest and belly vibrating rapidly. looks very, very weird.

like most days in the hospital, happy things mixed randomly with sad things. what a strange life.




yakob at 7:55 PM

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