Tuesday, November 19

dream

i am a woman. i'm in a dark, dark room.

across from me is an elderly woman wearing a black cloak. she offers me a ring. it is THE ring. it is beautiful. a gold ring with a large ruby on top, wtih a ornate setting that clutched the jewel. many things come over me, as i struggle with this evil object.

i take it. some tears come, as i realize what i had just done. i turn the ring upside down, so that the jewel would not show, so that it would seem to be a simple gold band.

when i return to my family (not my real family), i am a man. my father, 3 brothers, mother, 3 sisters. my brothers are helping my father move sacks of grain ino the garage. i offer to help, but they look at me suspiciously, and slowly shake their heads. they know where i was, and how long i had been gone. they do not trust me yet. they don't what changes i had been through.

i go inside the house, into the kitchen. i feel the same coldness here. i am terribly sad, because they are so cold to me, their own son and brother. even more sad that they are right to be so. i had failed them. the ruby bit into my skin as a reminder of how i had fared under the test.

i do what i can to help, silently. i see my oldest sister look at me mournfully every once in a while. i walk up to her, and hold her in an embrace. she stiffens, then recalls different times, when she knew who i was, and relaxes, even hugging me back. i am shocked at how much weight she has lost. she is pregnant, and she guides my hand gently to feel the fundus of her uterus. it makes me sad to think of how this baby is not getting enough of what it needs.

i look deep into the eyes of my oldest sister. i see a well of sorrow, and of love. i want to turn away, because her gaze seems to know what terrible wrong i had done, but loves me so much nonetheless. i am more terrified of the latter than the former. but i cannot look away, and bear the searing agony.

/dream


yakob at 3:32 PM

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