Thursday, September 5

OB/GYN:wk4,day23

was there ever such a day where i didn't want to be where i was? my feet were killing me. i didn't jump up with snap and a smile whenever there was another menial task to do. i was just really tired. i can't wait for OB to finish.

there is this one person that i've met several times, different than any other person that i've ever met. i personally have no beef with him, since i hardly interact with him. but i've seen him act like an @$$^&(, him knowing that he's being an @$$^&(, , and not caring a whit.

that's amazing to me. i've met ppl who, in my anger, i've considered to be @$$^&'s. but they weren't really. that was just my perception of them. but this guy, he knows he is being like that, and doesn't care. he just goes on doing it more and more. absolutely amazing that such a person exists. my co-workers hate him. i personally have no reason to, but can't help but wonder what happened in his life that he is this way...

*****

during one of the surgeries, a blood vessel was accidentally cut, and the blood squirted out 3 ft into the air like a mini-fountain. in wonder at the pressure behind the blood. mesmerized by the pretty stream of red...

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one of the funniest questions in all of medicine: "does it hurt when i do this?" "how about if i press harder? does it hurt more?" "how about when i press here?"

it's a sadistic line of questioning.

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after a poopy day, was about to leave, when a pt goes into labor, but refuses to push, because of the pain. the baby's heart rate plummets, and we call a c/section. so much for leaving on time. midway thru the surgery, after the crucial pt was already over, i decided to leave. first time i left like that, but i had to get out of there.

****
to church. praise teams from the morning and evening services are going to combine, have small group together, and mix and match for the two services. awesome.

ate dinner with JH, jeeh, just, and pat. mellow, easy-going good time.

time to crash. have to give a presentation again tomorrow, for a different preceptor, but i'm too tired right now. will try to wake uip at 4 am to work on it.

******
i'm so very, very tired. i just want to lay my head down. nothing in my life seems to be steady and guaranteed anymore save God. planks in the floor of the foundation i've laid down are being torn out. i'm tired of trying to regain balance.

i used to think i lived as a man with no worries. no longer. there are many boulders of worries precipitously held back by mere grains of sand.

ah, Lord. i just want to rest.

yakob at 11:05 PM

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