 |
previous posts
OB/GYN:wk3,day4 never ask a medical student how h...
OB/GYN: wk3,day3 haha. i have to force myself to ...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HELEN!!!!!!! i woke up late from ...
OB/GYN:wk 3,day2 today was didactic day. lectures...
OB/Gyn: wk 3,day1 (monday, 5:30am-6:30pm) first d...
fri night STORM went to STORM instead of alpha. p...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAVID!!!!!!!! (Aug 22) my little ...
OB/GYN: wk2, day 9 (wed night-thurs morning) deli...
OB/GYN: wk2, day 8 (tuesday night-wed morning) bu...
OB/GYN: wk2, day 7 (monday night) 2 more deliveri...
OB/BYN:wk3,day5 (friday morn)
woke up at 4:30am thinking, oh NO!!! what was i thinking?! why did i go to sleep before preparing my presentation?!!!
tried to read 50 pages desperately before rushing to work.
zipped thru the interviews of 10+ pts. charted my notes from interviews. within minutes of finishing my morning rounds, was pulled to draw labs. i am officially known as the IV person on the floor now. any difficult sticks are given me. i shouldn't have told them that i did a ER fellowship last summer.
10am: conference on contraception
i can't describe how uncomfortable it is to be the one male in a conference room full of females, all discussing different intra-unterine contraceptives: why this one is good, why that one is bad, why this one is uncomfortable, why this one allows bacteria to crawl up. worse still, they busted out samples and were really graphic about what goes on. i'm just sitting there, afraid to look at anyone in the eye, embarrassed that they are being so open, talking about their personal experiences, esp the residents that i work with.
11:30am: conference on abortion
my hospital provides abortion. i don't want to start an online debate or anything. simply put, i'm very against abortion, but neither do i think it's an absolute black/white matter. there are many gray areas for me. the more i learn, the more gray areas there seem to be.
i am against it, i dislike the idea, but neither do i want to be ignorant about the procedures, or what goes on. that's why, when i started this rotation, i signed up for an elective in the abortion clinic. for a week. i want to know what i'm up against. you don't have to agree with my approach. that's fine. i personally need to know what goes on.
during this conference, all the residents talked about how they felt. for the most part, these people care much more about their pt (the mother), more than the fetus. according to the majority of them, the fetus becomes a "person" when it can survive outside of the mother, thus justifying the killing of the fetuses (these 24 wkers can survive with extensive medical support, but would not be able to survive otherwise). nonetheless, there are some who are very anti-abortion. one thing i was glad to see: no one was a blind zealot.
even pro-choicers told of their experiences or having to abort fetuses that are 24, 25 wks old, when they are quite big, and not too different from the babies they just delivered an hour ago.
one spoke of how she spent 4 hours trying to save a premature 24 wk born infant, fighting for it's life, then going to the abortion clinic a litle while later to abort a 24wk fetus. she spoke of how her mind and body rebelled against an act which seemed in direct oppostion of her profession.
these ppl are caring people, i saw easily by their struggles. for many, their struggles were pretty emotional. i had to fight tears from just hearing their stories. i think i'm going to bawl after seeing some abortions personally.
i going to have to let the attendings know beforehand what my position is, why i chose the elective, and that i might be emotional at times.
i come away from the conference, emptied with sorrow.
****
long, indescribable day.
one wonderful thing. when i told my head resident that i didn't prepare my presentation, that i had been too tired to read and prepare, she didn't get mad. in fact, i think she understood. she told me to prepare it for next wk. oh man, i was so relieved. God, you pull me out of the tightest spots.
***
left work drained. emotionallly, physically. this week has been hard.
shower.
dress.
7:00pm : STORM youth group.
honestly, i didn't think i had the energy, the focus to lead worship. i said as much to the kids. i feel bad at times like these. i see their bright faces, and i think, these souls want to WORSHIP! soi pray, "God, please. that i won't be the limiting factor, nor a hinderance to the exciting growth taking place in your lambs. please."
i'm thankful that in moments like these, i can rely wholly on God, and that it is GOOD. if it were to be on my strength, my skills, i think i would've dropped, long ago.
thank you, God, that you teach me total reliance, however hard the lesson might be.
the youth are wonderful. i love them with all my heart. i'm falling more and more in love with them.
s*****, you once worried that i might leave STORM. do you know how many times that i've contemplated leaving medical school, one of THE BIGGEST dreams of my life? the dream that i think God had been especially preparing me for the last 10 years? because of how it pulls me away from STORM and church, where i find joy, happiness, and peace? that's how much i love you guys. even now, i struggle with this.
no tears. i'm not going to go anywhere soon. and besides, don't get too attached to this shell that holds the Father's love. LOVE THE FATHER, who sustains this particular shell, because HE LOVES YOU.
yakob at 10:39 PM
-----------------
woke up at 4:30am thinking, oh NO!!! what was i thinking?! why did i go to sleep before preparing my presentation?!!!
tried to read 50 pages desperately before rushing to work.
zipped thru the interviews of 10+ pts. charted my notes from interviews. within minutes of finishing my morning rounds, was pulled to draw labs. i am officially known as the IV person on the floor now. any difficult sticks are given me. i shouldn't have told them that i did a ER fellowship last summer.
10am: conference on contraception
i can't describe how uncomfortable it is to be the one male in a conference room full of females, all discussing different intra-unterine contraceptives: why this one is good, why that one is bad, why this one is uncomfortable, why this one allows bacteria to crawl up. worse still, they busted out samples and were really graphic about what goes on. i'm just sitting there, afraid to look at anyone in the eye, embarrassed that they are being so open, talking about their personal experiences, esp the residents that i work with.
11:30am: conference on abortion
my hospital provides abortion. i don't want to start an online debate or anything. simply put, i'm very against abortion, but neither do i think it's an absolute black/white matter. there are many gray areas for me. the more i learn, the more gray areas there seem to be.
i am against it, i dislike the idea, but neither do i want to be ignorant about the procedures, or what goes on. that's why, when i started this rotation, i signed up for an elective in the abortion clinic. for a week. i want to know what i'm up against. you don't have to agree with my approach. that's fine. i personally need to know what goes on.
during this conference, all the residents talked about how they felt. for the most part, these people care much more about their pt (the mother), more than the fetus. according to the majority of them, the fetus becomes a "person" when it can survive outside of the mother, thus justifying the killing of the fetuses (these 24 wkers can survive with extensive medical support, but would not be able to survive otherwise). nonetheless, there are some who are very anti-abortion. one thing i was glad to see: no one was a blind zealot.
even pro-choicers told of their experiences or having to abort fetuses that are 24, 25 wks old, when they are quite big, and not too different from the babies they just delivered an hour ago.
one spoke of how she spent 4 hours trying to save a premature 24 wk born infant, fighting for it's life, then going to the abortion clinic a litle while later to abort a 24wk fetus. she spoke of how her mind and body rebelled against an act which seemed in direct oppostion of her profession.
these ppl are caring people, i saw easily by their struggles. for many, their struggles were pretty emotional. i had to fight tears from just hearing their stories. i think i'm going to bawl after seeing some abortions personally.
i going to have to let the attendings know beforehand what my position is, why i chose the elective, and that i might be emotional at times.
i come away from the conference, emptied with sorrow.
****
long, indescribable day.
one wonderful thing. when i told my head resident that i didn't prepare my presentation, that i had been too tired to read and prepare, she didn't get mad. in fact, i think she understood. she told me to prepare it for next wk. oh man, i was so relieved. God, you pull me out of the tightest spots.
***
left work drained. emotionallly, physically. this week has been hard.
shower.
dress.
7:00pm : STORM youth group.
honestly, i didn't think i had the energy, the focus to lead worship. i said as much to the kids. i feel bad at times like these. i see their bright faces, and i think, these souls want to WORSHIP! soi pray, "God, please. that i won't be the limiting factor, nor a hinderance to the exciting growth taking place in your lambs. please."
i'm thankful that in moments like these, i can rely wholly on God, and that it is GOOD. if it were to be on my strength, my skills, i think i would've dropped, long ago.
thank you, God, that you teach me total reliance, however hard the lesson might be.
the youth are wonderful. i love them with all my heart. i'm falling more and more in love with them.
s*****, you once worried that i might leave STORM. do you know how many times that i've contemplated leaving medical school, one of THE BIGGEST dreams of my life? the dream that i think God had been especially preparing me for the last 10 years? because of how it pulls me away from STORM and church, where i find joy, happiness, and peace? that's how much i love you guys. even now, i struggle with this.
no tears. i'm not going to go anywhere soon. and besides, don't get too attached to this shell that holds the Father's love. LOVE THE FATHER, who sustains this particular shell, because HE LOVES YOU.
yakob at 10:39 PM