Tuesday, September 24

5:00 worship team

came back from church. the past month, i've been feeling like i was being squeezed. between the crazy OB/GYN hours, studying for the shelf, serving in STORM and the 5:00 worship team, i was really, really struggling.

i was asked to be there for STORM on every fri and sun. to lead worship as well as lead bible study. plus i was being asked by the pastoral staff to do some additional things. i couldn't do it. i simply couldn't. i was already having a lot of trouble in school, and this just wasn't going to fly. i sat down with the necessary persons, talked it out, and we decided: i would leave the 5:00 worship team.

understand, i love ALL these ministries. i would love to be more involved in all of them. at a different time (2 yrs ago) i would've jumped in and said, YES! sweeet! but this is now, and i can't.

it would be different if i thought this was entirely where God was leading me, with worship team and STORM, and medical school was my worldly life. just like that, i could and i WOULD leave medical school.

but when i got that call from NYU med during my RA/TA stint in DC, after a wk of fasting and the months of inquiry before God, i knew that this was the path God wanted me to take. i saw the year in a entirely different light. i saw the stint in DC with all those pre-med h.s. students "leaders" in a new light. i saw how He had been preparing me for this.

and once in medical school, i've learned and seen such things that i cannot help to be amazed at the wondrous works of God.

so, it's not such an easy decision. and i've had to say "no" to wonderful, feels like once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.

so you see, stellarz and others who might be worrying their pretty heads needlessly, i'm in no danger of leaving STORM.

but to ease the strain, i'm no longer on the 5:00 worship team (at least for this crazy time).

i'm thankful for a pastoral staff that offers so much, that gives me so many great opportunities, as well as understanding where i stand. understanding enough to allow me to make choices, as well as giving me relief. thank you!!

so, i went tonight, not to practice, but only for the small group. i was able to study in a different room during their practice time.

and yet, there is an ache in me. a part that wonders, did i do the right thing? did i give up too easily? i heard the faint notes, and... wow. it was hard. i wanted to jump in. i've really received so much from the praise team. learned so much, experienced so much. from individuals as well as the whole.

there were times that someone would say, how was the worship time? were we struggling as a worship team? maybe it's because my musical ears or perhaps my spiritual ears are not as sharp, but i would think, "huh?" because i thought the worship was GREAT, everytime. i try not to confuse the musical aspect with the spiritual aspect. i don't know how to describe it, but I felt like the team was swelling as one body in praise when we worshipped.

so, a, you're right. i knew i would miss it. i guess i didn't anticipate how much. who said Christian life would be easy? i suspect there will be many more aches to come. just as i know that there will many, overcompensating, incredible joys.

to bed. gotta work out with JH at 6am.

yakob at 11:40 PM

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