Monday, September 23

dream

was back in arcadia high. i was small and lost in the halls, trying to find the class i was suppposed to go to. for some reason, i'm a mexican kid. i get a sense of impending doom, and the weight of fear comes upon me, b/c for some reason, i know that there are a group of kids that are after me. my bag. my bag is gone. i go through the halls, trying to remember where my english class was: i was sure i left it there.

i finally reach the classroom. the teacher carries a calm demeanor, but her hands tremble as she says, "he's here." and points to the side of the room. the curtains part, and a black kid comes out. the leader of the gang. he has a calm, sad look about him, as if he regrets what he must do to me.

he has a blade, and to my surprise, i have one too. my blade has a handle, and a thick string attached to the end. he rushes me, and i barely avoid him. but i do avoid him, every time. we slash and parry, slash and parry. i don't have time to wonder how i know how to use the knife, nor to avoid his flashing knife in this way.

eventually, in his cold anger, he makes a mistake, and i slide past him, pivot with a grip and slam him to the floor.

though alive, though conscious, he does not move, but looks up at me. i grip one end of the string that is attached to my knife, and start twirling the string. the knife flies in a circular motion, the plane vertical.

my hands are steady as slowly, slowly, the blade come closer to him. it nicks him, and i see blood. i keep twirling, and the blade makes another slash in his arm. then another, then another. another, another. eventually, he is covered in cuts, non too deep, but eventually he is covered in blood. the kid is strangely slack, accepting this without a struggle.

the english teacher, who had been watching. to whom i had directed looks earlier in a plea to stop us, finally stopped me.

i sat on the floor, wrapped my arms around my knees and sobbed, rocking back and forth....

and then i woke up.

craziness. this dream scares me. why is it so violent? why am i a member of another race?

******
i missed CELEBRATION at GLC. i'm sorry, balt friends. i have a youth group that i can't leave... they're too precious!

i quizzed our kids on the assurance of salvation:
"And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life, he who does not have the Son of God does not have life." -1 John 5:11-12

yesterday's sermon was on psalm 1
- true happiness in the way of the Lord ("i will delight in the Law of the Lord, i will meditate day and night" -are you singing this, as i am? haha)
- vs the ways of the wicked/mockers -they are like chaff that will be blown away

this psalm has so much wisdom in it. there are hundreds of applications in this passage...

*****
struggle: Theo/diff/comm/CelB (don't bother readers. this is a reminder meant solely for myself)

*****


yakob at 2:01 PM

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