Monday, August 19

too much has happened over the last 3 days. praise the Lord, oh my soul!

fri night: alpha course

the topic of this week was, prayer. every christian has heard a sermon on this topic at some point. yet i have never heard something so concise, that answers so many questions. aside from the catechism-like answers that we are taught, practical applications to questions that arise IN OUR LIFE was given. i can put the outline of the session up, but a mere outline will not grip you, nor have the same power. one would probably just say, "oh, of course." that was my response when first perusing the outline. but the relevance of this session was overwhelming, in light of recent events and situations.

afterwards, in our small groups sessions, we discussed what we saw, and shared about our lives. lighthearted comments quickly turned to some
heavy stuff. i'm so grateful for these sessions. through these, we can know what is really going on in each other's lives. it goes beyond the, "hey, how are you doing?" "good. how are you?" "good."

but through these discussion sessions, the things in the depths of our hearts are brought forth. thank you, LORD. the importance of prayer strikes me once again with the suddenness and weight of an anvil falling from the sky.

after alpha, PB asked me to play guitar for the 10:30 - 1:00prayer mtg. me: what?! PB!! i was totally not prepared, but an emergency had come up, so i did it. thankfully, i did not have to LEAD the prayer mtg. PH did that. i don't know if it was because of the alpha session right before, but such a powerful time of prayer. i was not sleepy for even a second. just an intense time. God is getting my attention.


sat: jeehye's

had lots and lots of fun. her place is awesome. LARGE yard, volleyball net (it was tight, too!), table-tennis in an enclosed patio, great BBQ burgers, hotdogs, turkeyburgers. mmm, mmm. i also got to play certain people in ping pong that i wanted to play for a while. haha. you know how THAT went. heehee. it was also nice to see a HOME. jeehye's dad put a LOT of work into that place. i can't forget the nice circular platform that sat under the shade of a large tree. that is too sweet. i also was able to get to know some ppl on the cumulative worship team much better. there's a lot of awesome people in this group.

unfortunately, we didn't stay that long. we had to get back to manhattan for the speaker. i snagged a ride with JJ, with whom i haven't really talked with in a long time. we talked about music, art, life, love and mysteries...(as always. guys conversations seem to always disintegrate to this...)


THE PLIGHT OF NORTH KOREA

i don't know what i was expecting, really. but wow. visualize:
a woman who looked like in her late 40s to early 50s, looking like anyone's mother. she was avg size for korean woman (small), she had the perm, she wore glasses. i mean, really, i kept thinking, this lady looks as though she could be the mother of any of my friends. she was not extraordinary to the sight, in any way. then, she spoke.

i heard a different accent, right away. i had seen a N. Korean propaganda tape (which my dad somehow got a hold of, i don't know how) which i couldn't understand at all, and which my parents couldn't understand, so different was the accent. this lady's was not that extreme, but it was very, very different. and very formal.

i could not belive what was coming out of her mouth. she spoke of atrocities that i had only read of. she had experienced these things first hand. it was difficult to resolve, looking at this lady who looked like any church lady, anyone's mom, and the insane things she was describing that she had been through. emotionally, i was stunned, raw, numb, hearing these atrocious things, until she spoke of these:

******
Mrs. Lee described a time where the prison guard declared that he would get one of the christians to renounce their faith. and so, they were beaten, asked if they believed in God, whether they would renounce their faith and recognize Kim Il Sung as deity. despite such brutal beatings, NOT ONE did.

not yet a christian, she saw a group of christians humming a praise song, with joy on their faces, even after beatings. she could not understand, why were they so happy, what was there to by joyful about, when they were being treated so? a guard heard the christians singing, and proceeded to beat their faces because they had made sounds from their mouths, mashing them until no facial features were recognized.

when she was granted freedom and about to leave, the christians were told to kneel, and place their foreheads on the ground. because they believed in a God that resided in heaven, they were told, they would not be allowed to lift their heads in supplication to Him. and yet, as Mrs. Lee was leaving, they lifted their heads and looked at her in silence, speaking with their eyes.

when i heard these things, i...couldn't handle it.

i sing praise songs, pray my prayers, and read my bible with the carelessness of a free man. i couldn't believe what these christians in prison were going through. i can't imagine not being free to LIFT MY HEAD, to pray to the living God. I can't imagine not being able to SING songs of worship to God. I can't imagine not being ALLOWED to read the Word of God. I do these things so freely, without even thinking about the privilege, the freedom to be able to worship freely.

i think about these ppl who are able to praise God in joy together, even if by humming, despite receiving beatings for the gospel right before, and my heart breaks for them.

LORD! LORD! LORD! hear them, LORD, and deliver them! if not freedom, give them a brief suffering, and may they die with your peace in their hearts.

the whole evening was...too much for me. my chest was being squeezed, head dizzy with hurt for these fellow christians who are being truly persecuted for the name of Jesus. oh God, use me, somehow.

*****
sun morn: STORM youth group

most of the youth group kids had gone to a retreat J24:7 (based on Jeremiah 24:7, and: Jesus, 24/7)

they came back...oh,
praise God, oh dormant soul!
they came back excited, PASSIONATE about God. they had clearly experienced wonderful things at this retreat, and i was SO happy!

i'm in awe, really, that God chose me somehow, to be a part of this, to be witness to this, the visible spiritual growth of these youth.

while burning with happiness for them, i also ached that i wasn't there with them. ah, sometimes, i really resent school, that it takes me away from this!

can i tell you how encouraged i was, while leading praise, to see these kids jumping, dancing, and singing with all their might? to see some hearts that had only recently been sleepy, resentful, or cold to what their parents brought them to every Sunday, be transformed to these angelic beings that WORSHIP God with palms up, hands lifted high? they are not angels, to be sure! but during that time of praise, that is how they appeared to me.

God, you are amazing. who can change lives, as you do?

i also shared about Mrs. Lee.

we sang this song by third day, thinking of those christian prisoners in N. Korea:

YOUR LOVE OH LORD
Your love oh Lord, reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness stretches to the skies
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountain
Your justice flows like the ocean's tides
And I will lift my voice to worship You my King
And I will find my strength in the shadow of Your wings

for those prisoners who are not allowed to lift their heads to worship the God in the heavens, who are not allowed to lift their voices, we sang this song.

this was the last day for PJH, the youth group pastor of the past 2 years. as he spoke, he broke, and we broke with him.

i don't know what to say or describe. i just know that this man truly loves these kids, and they love him back. i shed tears again, (i don't know when i've cried so much as during these past few days) not b/c he was leaving (i am still serving with him on the evening service), but b/c i know, he is hurting and aching for these youth. and they for him.

he gave his last sermon to these guys with the same message that he began with, : KNOW GOD. there are needs in life, there are wants in life. God wants us to know Him, to have that intimate relationship with Him. We NEED God, there is no doubt of that. Our WANT must align with our NEED of God. PJH spoke of how much he loved them, how much they had grown spiritually (and truly, they HAVE!), and commissioned the youth to KNOW GOD.

after the service, we had a going away thing for PJH. lots of joy, fun. spontaneous dancing, sharing, eating, talking, it was just very wild. and lots of crying indispersed.

we had a session where people went around, saying their good-bye's, their thanks to PJH. i have never felt such agony and joy together. joy that they can speak thus, that they can see thus. agony for them, and their broken hearts. IH in particular shook me with his words. God, you are AMAZING. praise and glory to You.

PJH then spoke of each youth group member, giving encouragement, of growth he had seen, and individual commissions. as each cried, i couldn't help it, i cried with them. (really, i cry all too much...swollen, puffy eye-lids are not good for someone with eyes that are already too small...)

****
afterwards, i spoke with the new youth group pastor, UW for 3-4 hrs. i am so happy that he will be pastoring these kids. i heard on UW a litte before even coming to manhattan, and had known him for a little while now.

as sad as i was about PJH leaving, my heart is at peace, and excited that UW is coming on board. we shared about our lives, what's been going on in youth group, about some plans, hopes, and pretty much everything under the sun. i'm very excited about working UW. i want to do my best to support him as the new pastor, really being there for him. thank you, God, for UW.

****
a friend who has been struggling mightily, is returning to God. LORD, you are too much for me. when You grab my attention, You fill my vision with Your presence and Your work.
who can deny that God answers prayers?
He has heard the cry of my friend's heart, God has heard the prayers of those who love my friend.
too much.

****
sun, 6pm: night float start:

6pm-6am. insanity. i will describe this better later. i've said enough.



yakob at 4:35 PM

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