Friday, August 2

Psych wk 5, day 25

This day was a complete turnaround. I was up all night, doing my write up that i had to turn in this morning, working at an extremely inefficient pace. couldn't be helped. the problem was that i was on call last night, and finished work at midnight. then i started my 10 page write up. it's been a while since i hurt like this.

8:30am rolled around, and i wasn't done. i was in big trouble b/c my attending wanted it today. but i couldn't miss rounds. so i high tailed my butt to rounds. i was in such a state of dispair that i had no tension in me.

so i was able to present my patients and their progress with aplomb. i reported what was going on with them, what i was planning to do to get them well and discharged, etc.

at the end of rounds, the attending and residents all mentioned what a good job we (the other medical student and i) had done. i hadn't noticed, but i guess we are gaining confidence in our abilities, and it had shown. i honestly hadn't really noticed a difference, but apparentely, it was a big enough difference that they all did. which brought me some cheer, but i was still in some dispair thinking about how i was going to tell my attending that my write-up wasn't ready. my attending got up, and....walked right by me, with a smile. i couldn't believe it. he didn't remember?!

i rushed to see all my patients, then flew down to my room to finish my write-up. (thank goodness i live in the medical center!!) i just needed another hour, and it was done. 10 pages, of pure agony.

i went back to the unit, and turned it in to the chief resident and attending, who thanked me with a smile for turning it in. wow. what a nice guy. i really like him.

i asked him if he had a moment to discuss some of my patients, to which he was amenable (i had a question about whether to introduce ECT, electroconvulsive therapy, to one of my patients). we went through all my patients, and i talked about what ideas i had in planning their treatment. turns out that he hadn't heard about some of the ideas, or they weren't on his mind until i brought them up. at the end of our discussion, he said he was impressed with my initiative, and how i am treating my patients. wow. i was absolutely stunned. 3 hrs ago, i was in dispair, dreading a mtg with him, fearing reproach. and just like that, i was getting kudos, and my attending was impressed with me. this day was way wacky.

psychiatry is seriously messing with my mind. i'm not complaining, though. thank you, God. you deliver me again.

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i'm exhausted. i'm afraid to take a nap; i don't think i'll wake up until tomorrow. thankfully, i'm going to church.

church is so nice to go to. i just like being there, even if it is by myself. in my mind, churches will always be a nice, cool place, where one can reflect and pray. it feel like a oasis to me, sometimes.

yakob at 4:36 PM

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