pumpkin pie
Monday, July 4

after another painful day in the life of an ignorant intern (working on a SUNDAY?!@!!), i was ready to relax and chill with my hottie.

because i hate the general chaos and noise of nyc, i suggested some dinner and a relaxing walk at a park or nearby suburb hs grounds.

so we went to the riverside mall area (they have a number of pretty decent restaurants: cheesecake factory, houstons, mccormick and schmick's, thai, and mortons?) a good find! we settled on a oldie but goody and went into cheesecake. (btw, this one is nicer and no wait, compared to the 1-3 hr wait at the baltimore cheesecake) i had the burrito grande, e had the jambalaya.

after we finish, our waiter comes by: "dude, you almost finished the burrito! i've never seen anyone come close!"
me: ah, ah, ah! my friend. i've finished it many times in the past! i left that last spoonful cause i'm on a DIET.

so i decide to get all crazy and all unkorean, and order DESSERT for us! hehehehe
rasberry chocolate truffle cheesecake. MMMMMMMMMM....

e: "wait, didn't u say that u get problems with cheesecake?"
me: "yeah, but it's been a while. maybe it wasn't really the cheesecake. let's give it a whirl!!" (with much cheer and enthusiasm)

we ate it, and MAN, it was good. i almost forgot how delicious cheesecake was. and you know what? no problems. i was almost able to forget that painful, painful day in college when a whole big crowd of us ate at cheesecake (i ate cheesecake), and then chilled at capitol hill, where i got the most painful cramps from the runs wanting to burst out of my anus, but i couldn't cause i was with a humongous crowd of friends and couldn't let them all know i had the runs. it was agony. i think my body went thru alternate sweats and chills, trying to fight the agony. all while friends are cheerfully chatting on, oblivious to my plight.

after dinner, we went to a local, quiet high school. i won't say which one, for reasons that will become clear. we went to the track, where there were some ppl running, and just sat, talked, enjoying each other's company.

suddenly (and i mean SUDDENLY): *poof, poof,* whispered my anus.
"uh, oh," i thought. "e, we gotta go."
"what's wrong?"
"we gotta go."
"really? now?"
"yes, NOW!"

we fast walked, but not TOO fast-walked back to my car. i had the car in my sights, and then i knew: i wasn't going to make it.

"e, i'm not going to make it. i'm going right here."
"here? you want me to go to the car and get some tissues?"
"yes!"

with a laugh and a horrified look, away she went.

i went to an area that was partially covered, dropped my pants, sat down on concrete (i wanted it to look like i was merely sitting on a concrete block) and i WENT. boy, it flew out with FORCE. i mean, pretty much sprayed the grass, and then the bulk of it came together. i looked down, and thought, *hey, looks like pumpkin pie.* unfortunately, it did not SMELL like pumpkin pie.

stress relieved, i looked around. far off, about 200 yards away, i saw a man who had been watering his lawn, now limply holding his hose, staring at me. *oh, crap. where's E?!* i thought. i then saw her coming to me with tissues. *thank god,* i thought. she, however, was walking towards me very rapidly, and... looking a little stressed.

"there's someone coming!" she hissed.
"what?"
"there's someone coming, NOW. probably to jog."
"oh crap, what do i do? what do i do?"

and, oh faithful of faithfuls. most tender and generous of souls. this angelic being with a brilliant brain, brave heart, and stubborn nose, sits next to me, and hides me from view of the now approaching girl, and talks to me while looking away at the distance, ever considerate of my embarrassing state. i will never forget this moment, of... love? togetherness? i don't know the word for it. i'm just grateful.

when the girl passed, i wiped (thank you God, for reminding me to buy a box of lotioned kleenex only a few days ago!), and wiped, and wiped, and wiped, and wiped. i pulled up my pants, and we again sped-walked to my car.

the guy in the distance had not moved from his spot, did not move his hose, and just stared at us, stunned at the scene.

and we sped off. (i later did a more thorough job and hand washing at a local starbucks)

sorry to gross everyone out, but i wanted to give testimony to the faithfulness, strength, and committment of e. there is no one like her. thank you.

yakob at 5:15 PM

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