everyone is angry. graduation. brothers.
Wednesday, May 25

Everyone who is close to me seems to be angry at me. There just seems to be a lot of anger thrown about lately. At me, from me. I don't want to be hypocritical. It's probably mostly from me. I would never have described myself as an angry person before, but these days, I think I am. It's too easy to blame it on the New York atmosphere. Maybe I had it in me all this time, and I had been suppressing it or lying to myself.

I don't know.

I definitely have a big part concerning all the anger, but I do know that the type of people around me also affects my temperament. For instance, hanging out with my college roomies James, Albert, and Joe (as well as other wonderful college buddies) always puts me in a cheerful, happy, and even graceful (subjective. I FEEL graceful sometimes, ok?) state of being. It did then, and it does now when we get together. Being in a place where people are rude, selfish, loud (with annoying accents. why are ppl with accents seem LOUDER than those without?), tends to encourage similar traits in me. I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

David says that I'm frequently telling people to relax, but that i'm usually yelling when i say this. It's probably true.

****

So I graduated on May 12, 2005 in carnegie hall. whoopdido. I guess I should feel excited and proud of myself, but mostly, I feel like a sham. When I graduated from hs, I felt excited about the future, and proud of my accomplishments. When I graduated from college, I regretted not studying harder for about 2 minutes (when I didn't get that honors cord), then was glad that I'd spent that time instead getting to know people, exploring the important questions in life (boobs or legs? jk. the deep stuff discussed are too numerous to put on paper), exploring my faith, being involved with church, and playing a lot of ball.

I graduated from medical school afraid that they had a mistake letting me graduate, and were gonna pull my name from the list at the last second. Boy, my heart was pounding before I crossed that stage to receive my diploma.

I'm going to be an intern in several weeks. AAAHHHH!!! thank God for the residents who are my supervisors. I don't need to be stellar; I just don't want to kill anybody with a stupid mistake because I had fallen asleep during a lecture when the subject matter was taught.

*****
Played ball tonight. it was a long time since i had played ball, even longer since i had played with my brothers. i gotta say, it was nice playing together again. even if we all stunk it up. even if i cramped both quads. who knew that such a tumultuous brotherhood would end up like this? i'm constantly surprised and grateful for it.

yakob at 1:19 AM

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