Wednesday, June 19

i'm so proud of myself. haven't blogged much, lately. i wish that meant i was studying super hard. well, i have been studying, at a much better rate than before. still not where i need to be. plus, orientation is sucking up much more of my time than i expected.

if there is a KFC near you, check this out:
KFC free food

orientation is scaring me, because i feel like all of the sudden, my classmates are medical students, and i'm not feeling like one. they'll bust out with a possible diagnosis like fitz hugh curtis or something like that in differential diagnosis, and i'm struggling to remember what that was (a potential condition after Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, where your liver sticks to your diaphragm). it's not looking pretty.

my life is a mess. i need someone to come and slap me, or someone to inspire me, to do this. i know i should be inspired by the cross, for the glory of God, but it's not translating very well for me right now. when i was in elementary or junior high, and even high school, my motivation was this:

i would suffer now, so that i will be super successful, smart, skilled in many things, etc. then, i would find the girl that i met and had a crush on when i went to korea after 6th grade through the han gook il bo program. her name was julie, and she was from chicago, if i remember correctly.

i would then reintroduce myself to her, and she would have no idea who i was. all my success, blah, blah, blah, i would not reveal to her, but woo her as a poor, simple man (maybe get a job as a school teacher for several years or go to seminary?) after we fall in love together, i would know that she was a woman who could marry a poor, simple man like myself (honestly, and practically, not that easy, is it? because you LIKE having 10+ pairs of shoes, 20+ things for your face, going to so-and-so to get your hair done, that gucci bag and oOOoh, where would you be without your cell phone? i'm not saying this to accuse sisters. i'm just as guilty. where would i be without my nike basketball shoes (cuz man, i've tried reebok and adidas, and dude, they stink for balling shoes), my computer and the ethernet line, my sweet guitar that isn't mine, my AC unit? just as helpless. not that easy to hitch with nor to be a poor man. it takes a special woman to marry such a man...and a special man who is willing to forgo worldly success to be such a man...), and voila! i will reveal all about me! then, we will live happily ever after (see how i'm not completely willing to be the type of man that i described? hypocrite!) ah...

does anyone know a julie or julia from chicago? one day, i will look her up, and see if she is still as beautiful and innocent now as she was then.

are you laughing? i sure am. i must be one of the silliest beings alive, i know. God must be laughing it up as He contemplates me. either that, or weeping.

even so, that actually WAS my motivation for working so hard then. or course, now, i can't bring myself to study hard for a woman that i will marry when i don't even know who she is. i feel like i would be working for an idol.

argh. just study, jacob. just study.

yakob at 11:02 PM

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