Anger and Conflict: The Use of the Bible in Arguments
Friday, May 11

Recently, I have been involved with and have heard of conflicts between Christians. With each situation, the parties involved were determined to win the argument with verses from the Bible, sometimes even using the words of Jesus himself. Here is a passage frequently cited:

26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”[d] Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

-Ephesians 4:26-27

This verse is frequently cited when someone wants to resolve a conflict right away. While I agree that two people should resolve a conflict as soon as possible, I don't agree that it necessarily means right away. For one thing, frequently one person wants to resolve something (which often means telling the other person what he or she did wrong), and the other person is simple not ready to do the same. When person #1 is pushing this, he is essentially addressing his selfish need to clear his chest without regard for the other person.

Reading the verse again, this verse says nothing resolving the conflict (i.e. arguing further until some sort of compromise is reached, or the parties involved agree to disagree). It simply says to not let anger get a hold of you, and to not let the sun go down while you are angry (don't harbor anger in your heart for a long time).

It is amazing how difficult it is to resolve a difference when both sides are so convinced that they are right, and even more difficult when they each feel like there is Biblical support for their actions and arguments.

While discussing this frustration with a friend, I was struck by something, something that is probably obvious to many, but for people actually involved in conflict, it is not an easy idea to realize nor act on. And this idea actually makes Ephesians 4:26 more understandable.

The idea is this: In conflict, people usually pull verses out to show the OTHER person that the OTHER person is wrong. Here is the entire problem: The focus is on the wrong person. Look at YOUR faults, look at YOUR mistakes, and rid YOUR heart of anger. THAT is how conflicts get resolved, not by showing the other person how they are wrong.

By no means am I suggesting that truth should be ignored, or that we shouldn't correct our fellow brothers (let iron sharpen iron!). But the pursuit of "truth" often takes precedence over the health of our relationships, and "correction" is often self-serving or done in anger, not in sacrifice and love.

This post is directed at no one, else I would have missed the entire meaning of my own post. I hope instead that this will serve as a reminder:

1. Be rid of selfish anger
2. Preach to myself before preaching to others, and never preach AT another
3. Value the relationship more than the argument.

yakob at 1:51 AM

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