Tuesday, August 27

OB/Gyn: wk 3,day1 (monday, 5:30am-6:30pm)

first day at a new unit. i thought i was at work early. i meet the intern, who immediately gives me a list of patients. i need to see all of them, interview w/ physicals, and write their post-partum (after delivery) notes, all within 30 min. since my previous unit was all about the actual deliveries, i had never done a PP note before. thank goodness for my little maxwell's notebook i had bought at the bookstore, which gave me a template of what to do.

even with that template, i finished interviewing all my pt's, but had finished only 1 note, when the intern told me that it was time to round with the attendings. she subtly hints that maybe i should come earlier. i feel like i'm taking strikes left and right.

during rounds, the attending keeps pimping me. i'm so nervous with this new group of people, and my intern had shaken my confidence, that i am dumbstruck by her questions. my mind just froze whenever she asked me anything, even easy questions.

i can feel them thinking, "what an idiot."

good thing that this is happening so often to me that it doesn't hurt me anymore.

(actually, who am i kidding. it hurts alot that i feel stupid. it always hurts, and every time, i feel like i'm getting punched in the stomach. it's just now, i know that the punches are coming, whether i expect it or not, and i'm accepting them as part of my life.)

if ever there was anything to make me really want to study, it's this. my greatest motivation used to be because i wanted to know stuff, so i can help people. to some extent, that's still true, but now, the greatest motivator i have is 1) so that i won't fail. 2) so that i won't get that queasy, punched-in-the-stomach feeling when i get pimped. it's not a matter of pride, not at all. i'm not trying to look good, anymore. it's a matter of avoiding that very real and physical reaction.

eventually, the nightmare in rounds is over.

i discover that the brunt of my work is already done. apparently, that madness w/ my intern was my primary duty. i spent the rest of the day following her, assisting her with triage (where new pt's are assessed, as to whether they need to stay at hospital or go home), interviews, physicals, sonograms (ultrasound, to view fetuses in utero), and with several delieveries.

there are surprisingly much less deliveries here than at my previous unit.

while delievering one of the babies, a huge blood clot from the mother's uterus squirts out and lands on my leg, running down, and landing on my shoe. unfortunately, though i had a gown on, i did not have my booties on (this unit apparently doesn't wear them), and so i was totally grossed out.

as soon as i have time, i rush over to bathroom to take clot off and srub my shoe with paper towels and soap. i need to get hospital clogs, i think.

the afternoon is spent helping the intern and doing dumb scut work.

i'm supposed to get off at 6pm, but my intern is oblivious. she doesn't really need me anymore, but she's so busy, she's not thinking about me at all. at 6:30pm, i gently ask her if she needs me for anything, if she wanted me to do anything. she tells me to go home, and thanks me for all the help i've given her.

usually, this is a formality that the residents say. but today, i felt i HAVE helped her, alot. during the day, i discovered that today was her first day, too. while i had a wk of experience at a diff unit, this was her first day at OB, period. so i actually had more experience than she did, in a lot of things.

she seemed to loosen up a little as she thanked me. she is not mean, i realized. she's just as uptight as i am in her new workplace, and wants to impress the attendings. since i'm going to be here for 2 wks, i hope i see more of the relaxed residents than the tired, short-tempered ones.

i learning to accept scary work days. scary new starts, scary new people. it's like being a kid all over again, and moving during the middle of the semester. moving every couple of wks. everyone knows each other. you don't know anyone. it's worse now, because i'm the sole medical student in this unit. no solace in group huddling when i screw up, as we all used to together before.

i miss my old unit. i miss all the attendings, my chief resident (with the great hair), i miss my fellow medical students, i miss my night nurses (even the bossy ones, and especially the young cute ones...)

i get home, take a showerr, eat, and hit the sack. first time in my life that i willingly go to bed at 9:30pm, but i don't want to hurt tomorrow the way i did today.



yakob at 5:58 PM

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