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happy Mother's DAY!!! give your mom a call, and if...
came back from grace's b-day party. HAPPY BIRTHDAY...
went home last night after house church, and hung ...
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argh!! it is so complicated to get some simple ser...
yesterday, I lost in the finals of the ping-pong t...
during fellowship today, i had a hard time focusin...
I have been sitting in my room for the past hour, ...
one of my drawings, for your viewing pleasure...
a random story as a break to A BASKIN ROBBINS SUMM...
::my mom::
i have a rather strange relationship with my mom. i'm not her favorite, (that would be jimmy. david is dad's favorite. and i am...*sniff, sniff*...(can you tell i have middle child syndrome? but i don't really) ...but we have a special emotional bond. basically, we're both crybabies.
i think our idea of a good time together is to watch a really, really sad korean soap series together and just be able to bawl when it gets sad. we both try to hide it, but my brothers and my dad get a real kick out of it. they would jump up, turn around, whip out an accusing finger and yell, "WAIT A MINUTE! are you CRYING? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" while my mom and I would be sniffling quietly. pathetic, huh? man, when i saw gah ul dong hwa for the first time, and you know that scene in tape 3 (? i tihnk it's 3) where she runs after the car and is left at the end of the tunnel? oh my, were we a mess. my mom had to call one of her sisters in Korea, my aunt remembered, and started to cry on the phone. that scene was so bad, that i even cried a bit into my pillow when i went to bed. i am so pathetic. please don't give me any, "oh, that's cute" stuff. it's not. it's just all out pathetic. i guess i am an emotional mess when it comes to dramas. all those stupid episodes where the daughter-in-law was getting abused by the mother-in-law and has to vent, it gets to me. all those episodes where the someone has leukemia (or some other equally ridiculous disease), it gets to me. i am the classic target for the morons who come up with the plots of the dramas. makes me doubt my manhood, sometimes...
anyway, so my mom and i have this emotional bond. we don't really communicate that well. jimmy is the smooth talker. i'm the bumbling idiot. my relationship with my mom was the worst in h.s., when i replied to her speeches with, "whatever." OH MY, would she flip out. she would start by talking about the topic that started it (the nucleation pt) but it would somehow turn to something about college apps, not practicing viola, that kid who was featured in hang gook il bo, who got a 1600 on the SAT and got into Harvard, why was my room so messy, blah, blah, blah. i learned to tune her out early and easily. i wish i could say that it was patched up before i left for college, but i didn't. the few good times we had in high school were when i would win some kind of award or scholarship. then, she would get very quiet and say, "the only time i get recognized is when you get something like this." it was a statement of pride in me, but at the same time, it felt like she was remembering her past, what she could have done of been, the road that was lost to her. a better son would have known what to say, but i'm always at a loss at moments like that.
i wish i could say that i missed my parents a lot in college, but i didn't. i loved the new freedom i found in college. it was a struggle to remember to call once a week. sometime during my junior year (it took that long...), i began appreciating my parents a lot more. after reflecting on who they have been these past 24 years, i loved them a lot more.
it's funny, my parents are so mellow now, especially my mom. they are like completely different people. something took a dramatic turn when the three of us started college. i don't know exactly what it is. all i know is that when we are together now, we have mature, deep talks as adults. it's so strange! even during the conversations, i can't help but wonder, when did i become an adult, and when did my parents start to talk to me like one? when did my dad begin to respect my theological and philosophical opinions? when did he begin to care about what i thought about the events in the middle east? (and why the HECK are they talking about girls all the time now, when they've been absolutely MUTE on it throughout junior high, high school, AND college?)
this year, i've been going to friday night prayer meetings when i could, which isn't nearly frequent enough. it's on friday night, after house church, from 10pm to 5am. that's 7 hrs, can you believe that? it sounds daunting, but after actually going and praying, it's not as long as it sounds. (i remember struggling to pray straight for an hour back in college...what amazing, subtle changes...) when you designate that much time to prayer, then you TRULY pray for all those people that you promised you'd pray for. you also really get the chance to bring your entire self to God, and lay everything open before him. and as i prayed, my parents came in my prayers, again and again. i think i realized just how much i loved them during these prayers.
my mom especially. she makes me so sad and happy at the same time. this is one smart lady, folks, yet she never finished seminary after high school. she somehow pushed back all her dreams for a man, and for her 3 children. it's something that i can't understand of moms. i'm in awe of such sacrifice. and to top it, she didn't have a single daughter. there is no close friend like a daughter for a mom. when i saw the relationship that some girls have with their moms, when i saw tapes 1 and 2 of gah ul dong hwa, and saw how close the mom and daughter were, i just feel deep sorrow for my mom. not only because she doesn't have that relationship, but she doesn't even know what it's like. if that were me, i'd always be wondering, wanting and yearning. many times, i wished i could be that daughter for her, but it's not the same. in junior high and high school, i thought that maybe if we washed dishes together while my bros and dad were watching tv, that we'd be able to share that bond. i grew to like washing dishes, and we did bond, but not in that mother/daughter bond.
my mom bouted with a breast cancer two years ago. after a lumpectomy and radiation, i think she's doing well. she's lost some weight and energy, but she's doing ok. my mom's always had that schoolgirl look and mannerisms. i think she's beginning to realize that she's old. she's no longer that schoolgirl.
this past sat, when i went to visit them, both of my parents were very happy to see me. very happy. sometimes, i think they are too happy to see me, and i wonder if we are being set up as idols in their hearts. i feel like they are living for God, and then for us, period. or maybe that's just my defenses speaking, b/c my joy at seeing them is not equal to their joy...
my dad tells me that mom goes around pretty down for the most part, but when i come home, she perks up like a new light bulb. this makes me feel really sad, because i would like to see them as much as i can, and they are getting older. meanwhile, i'm studying for my boards, the scariest exam of my life, and will soon be doing my rotations, so i will spend all my time in the hospital until mid-fourth year. not the ideal situation, both my parents and i am beginning to realize. they are now regretting our success, a bit, i think...
a strange mother's day tribute, no? but, as my youth group kids tell me so often, "you're so WEEEEEEIIRD!!!"
yeah, i am. i won't lie and say it's been rosy all the time, because it hasn't. i will say that the past 3-4 years with my mom have been unworldly in our happiness and open love. all the years before, there were tough times, but never did i doubt her love for me. my biggest joy is that i know that my parents are truly christian and that they love God. someday, i will bring the ultimate mother's day present to her...
yakob at 10:57 PM
-----------------
i have a rather strange relationship with my mom. i'm not her favorite, (that would be jimmy. david is dad's favorite. and i am...*sniff, sniff*...(can you tell i have middle child syndrome? but i don't really) ...but we have a special emotional bond. basically, we're both crybabies.
i think our idea of a good time together is to watch a really, really sad korean soap series together and just be able to bawl when it gets sad. we both try to hide it, but my brothers and my dad get a real kick out of it. they would jump up, turn around, whip out an accusing finger and yell, "WAIT A MINUTE! are you CRYING? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" while my mom and I would be sniffling quietly. pathetic, huh? man, when i saw gah ul dong hwa for the first time, and you know that scene in tape 3 (? i tihnk it's 3) where she runs after the car and is left at the end of the tunnel? oh my, were we a mess. my mom had to call one of her sisters in Korea, my aunt remembered, and started to cry on the phone. that scene was so bad, that i even cried a bit into my pillow when i went to bed. i am so pathetic. please don't give me any, "oh, that's cute" stuff. it's not. it's just all out pathetic. i guess i am an emotional mess when it comes to dramas. all those stupid episodes where the daughter-in-law was getting abused by the mother-in-law and has to vent, it gets to me. all those episodes where the someone has leukemia (or some other equally ridiculous disease), it gets to me. i am the classic target for the morons who come up with the plots of the dramas. makes me doubt my manhood, sometimes...
anyway, so my mom and i have this emotional bond. we don't really communicate that well. jimmy is the smooth talker. i'm the bumbling idiot. my relationship with my mom was the worst in h.s., when i replied to her speeches with, "whatever." OH MY, would she flip out. she would start by talking about the topic that started it (the nucleation pt) but it would somehow turn to something about college apps, not practicing viola, that kid who was featured in hang gook il bo, who got a 1600 on the SAT and got into Harvard, why was my room so messy, blah, blah, blah. i learned to tune her out early and easily. i wish i could say that it was patched up before i left for college, but i didn't. the few good times we had in high school were when i would win some kind of award or scholarship. then, she would get very quiet and say, "the only time i get recognized is when you get something like this." it was a statement of pride in me, but at the same time, it felt like she was remembering her past, what she could have done of been, the road that was lost to her. a better son would have known what to say, but i'm always at a loss at moments like that.
i wish i could say that i missed my parents a lot in college, but i didn't. i loved the new freedom i found in college. it was a struggle to remember to call once a week. sometime during my junior year (it took that long...), i began appreciating my parents a lot more. after reflecting on who they have been these past 24 years, i loved them a lot more.
it's funny, my parents are so mellow now, especially my mom. they are like completely different people. something took a dramatic turn when the three of us started college. i don't know exactly what it is. all i know is that when we are together now, we have mature, deep talks as adults. it's so strange! even during the conversations, i can't help but wonder, when did i become an adult, and when did my parents start to talk to me like one? when did my dad begin to respect my theological and philosophical opinions? when did he begin to care about what i thought about the events in the middle east? (and why the HECK are they talking about girls all the time now, when they've been absolutely MUTE on it throughout junior high, high school, AND college?)
this year, i've been going to friday night prayer meetings when i could, which isn't nearly frequent enough. it's on friday night, after house church, from 10pm to 5am. that's 7 hrs, can you believe that? it sounds daunting, but after actually going and praying, it's not as long as it sounds. (i remember struggling to pray straight for an hour back in college...what amazing, subtle changes...) when you designate that much time to prayer, then you TRULY pray for all those people that you promised you'd pray for. you also really get the chance to bring your entire self to God, and lay everything open before him. and as i prayed, my parents came in my prayers, again and again. i think i realized just how much i loved them during these prayers.
my mom especially. she makes me so sad and happy at the same time. this is one smart lady, folks, yet she never finished seminary after high school. she somehow pushed back all her dreams for a man, and for her 3 children. it's something that i can't understand of moms. i'm in awe of such sacrifice. and to top it, she didn't have a single daughter. there is no close friend like a daughter for a mom. when i saw the relationship that some girls have with their moms, when i saw tapes 1 and 2 of gah ul dong hwa, and saw how close the mom and daughter were, i just feel deep sorrow for my mom. not only because she doesn't have that relationship, but she doesn't even know what it's like. if that were me, i'd always be wondering, wanting and yearning. many times, i wished i could be that daughter for her, but it's not the same. in junior high and high school, i thought that maybe if we washed dishes together while my bros and dad were watching tv, that we'd be able to share that bond. i grew to like washing dishes, and we did bond, but not in that mother/daughter bond.
my mom bouted with a breast cancer two years ago. after a lumpectomy and radiation, i think she's doing well. she's lost some weight and energy, but she's doing ok. my mom's always had that schoolgirl look and mannerisms. i think she's beginning to realize that she's old. she's no longer that schoolgirl.
this past sat, when i went to visit them, both of my parents were very happy to see me. very happy. sometimes, i think they are too happy to see me, and i wonder if we are being set up as idols in their hearts. i feel like they are living for God, and then for us, period. or maybe that's just my defenses speaking, b/c my joy at seeing them is not equal to their joy...
my dad tells me that mom goes around pretty down for the most part, but when i come home, she perks up like a new light bulb. this makes me feel really sad, because i would like to see them as much as i can, and they are getting older. meanwhile, i'm studying for my boards, the scariest exam of my life, and will soon be doing my rotations, so i will spend all my time in the hospital until mid-fourth year. not the ideal situation, both my parents and i am beginning to realize. they are now regretting our success, a bit, i think...
a strange mother's day tribute, no? but, as my youth group kids tell me so often, "you're so WEEEEEEIIRD!!!"
yeah, i am. i won't lie and say it's been rosy all the time, because it hasn't. i will say that the past 3-4 years with my mom have been unworldly in our happiness and open love. all the years before, there were tough times, but never did i doubt her love for me. my biggest joy is that i know that my parents are truly christian and that they love God. someday, i will bring the ultimate mother's day present to her...
yakob at 10:57 PM