Sunday, August 10

anger management

i think i'm a fairly peaceful guy. i told a person recently: "you have to really push my buttons to get me mad."

i had a training session for J24:7 (large combined YG retreat) this morning. knowing that this was happening early in the morning in fort lee and that i would have to trek over there from here at kips bay, i went to bed early last night. i was awake in bed for 3-4 hrs before i fell asleep. so i was pretty darn tired when i woke up.

after the training session in fort lee, i visited my parents in closter. which turned into helping my mom prepare dinner for my parents' bible study (20ppl) as we caught up.

after dinner, i said goodbye, kissed and hugged my parents, and got on the bus.

the bus was relatively cush. there were very few ppl in the bus. and lo! the handicapped/emergency seat (with more leg room) was free! my body needed a nap so badly.

just as my lids were shutting, the bus stopped for a long time at the next stop. some 15-20 high school?/college kids got on the bus. and made the most unholy ruckus i've ever heard in my life. as if this was a private busride to a camp. i mean, they were YELLING, laughing, screeching, you name it.

you know how in movies, when the protagonist hits a point of awareness, and all of the sudden, the ambient sounds amplify on a logarithmic scale? i felt like i was hearing every single conversation clearly, loudly, ear-piercingly, simultaneously.

a: ...so my mom was like, what did you do last night? and i was like, nothing! what the h*ll, right?
b: ...seriously, my mom is like that ALL the time!
a: ....i'm SO sick of crap like that. like, wtf, you know?

c (yelling across 5 rows): yo, yo, matt! MATT!
d (yelling across 6 rows): shut the f*$& up, dumb@ss! you guys are being so f#@$%$ing rude! ppl are trying to sleep!

all together (except the pissed-off rest of the bus): HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

e: why are you so cold to me, john?
f (in annoyed montone): what? what are you talking about? (sarcastically:) why would i be cold to you? it's not like you're annoying or anything.
e: see?! what the h*ll is that? (in a whisper:) and i SAW you looking at her! and you went up and TALKED to her.
f (whispering): look, lisa, she doesn't know that many people. i was just trying to get to know her a little better ok? ok?
*giggle* from e
f: ok?
*more giggling from e*

*****
it's times like these that i wish i carried a louisville slugger with me. in my mind's eye, i was imagining those loud loud LOUD heads as watermelons. ah....

red. lots of red
then a bright, bright white. i think i was squeezing my eyes too tight or something.

then i remembered what i had said to that person a while back, that i hardly got mad. i had to laugh, then. here i was, getting infuriated by something so relatively harmless. they're just kids. there was no malice. just having fun. true, they were not very sensitive to the ppl around them or the hour, but they were just young kids having fun. (when did i become such an old fogey?)

how weak i am. just take a little sleep away from me, and bits of my character falls apart. more laughs. how weak i am.

i noticed it seemed a little quieter. maybe because i wasn't angry anymore, and i was less sensitive to the noise. or maybe my laughing aloud for no apparent reason was scaring them.

no, it's not just me, because times square seemed like a quiet haven after the bus ride.




yakob at 12:35 AM

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