Wednesday, October 16

whooo, boy! smile, jacob! smile!
things are blowing up around here!!

my life, which i thought was having trouble, is proving that it had been calm until now. let the hail come!! what is the storm outside compared to what is happening inside?!

my worth as a youth group teacher/counselor is proving its worth these days:

0. nothing.
I AM NOT WORTHY.
i am a joke. a big, hilarious joke, the kind that will make your ribs hurt and cramp.

what the first 2 yrs of medical school couldn't do, what rotations couldn't do, what the crunch of church/school/family/friends in the hardest time of my life couldn't do, a little girl has accomplished. i am becoming unhinged. i am tempted to laugh my head off at how funny this is, if it weren't my life, and ppl i love. we can try to patch this up. i'm sure we will try to patch this up. but i've felt this already, and i can't erase the pain of this memory.

i'm tired.

I need to go on a retreat. just myself and God.

yakob at 10:40 PM

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