Monday, July 1

Day 1 (Psych)
thus began my very first day on the hospital floor.

at 9am, went to psych orientation. i kept getting sleepy, so i had to pinch my face, thighs and punched myself a couple of times. i rallied myself: "c'mon, jacob! this is the first day of one of the most important times of your life! stay awake! patients' lives will depend on you!"

started on the floor by going to the ER, where a psych patient was. in short, my attending and resident thought she had big problems and needed to be admitted to psych, and the patient didn't. long discussion and tears followed.

while watching and listening, i couldn't help but sympathize with the patient more. i felt like i knew what she was going through, and could understand her feeling of powerlessness. at one point, i wanted to jump in and shout, "don't you guys understand? she can't stay here. her brother will kill her (won't be happy with her)!!"

there were a lots of thoughts swirling inside my head, my feelings vs what i was taught. it wasn't pleasant.

even when i was taking psych during 2nd yr, i was skeptical the whole time. i have a serious problem with the way psychiatric problems are dealt with. today, we were introduced to ECT (electro-convulsive shock therapy). when i heard those words, the hairs on my back stood up, and i felt something squeeze the back of my neck.

i guess this has to do with my initial impressions of such "therapy." my first encounter with psych, in fact, was the book, one flew over the cuckoo's nest. those of you who have read the book know what i mean. i still remember the feelings of helplessness, of being trapped in a cycle that you can't break out of, the gentle, loving look and soft voice that people (doctors) give you as they shoot 500V through your body, thinking that they are "helping" you. this stuff is real folks. i'm seeing it happen now. even the head nurse said, "it's true, we've done ECT to people that didn't need it, in the past." that scares the heck out of me. what if someone decides that i am crazy, and then shocks me senseless until i'm a happy drooling 23 yr old baby? ok, breathe, jacob. you are going to be a doctor. you will be on the other side of the electrodes. ok. ok. i'm good. i'm ok.

psych frightens me, simply b/c i feel like we are doing things while not understanding what we are doing. that bothers the heck outta me. many times, i feel like we are dabbling in things we should not be touching.

it was a long day, ended at 6pm. and this is supposed to be the easiest rotation. i wonder what the harder ones are like, 5am until midnight?

having said all that, i had a great time today. everything was interesting, to say the least. scary at times, but fun overall. most importantly, the people i'm working with (attending, residents, nurses) all seem like they are nice people. thank you, God.

time to read up for psych, then sleep early. how silly to think that i might have been able to study for the boards during any rotation...

yakob at 7:15 PM

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