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empathy vs. compassion - thoughts conceived during a med school class discussion, resurrected during a conversation:
in a debate concerning these two words, nearly everyone was for empathy in a patient-physician relationship, while i was for compassion. my reasons:
when someone tells me to empathize, something in me rebels against that thought right away. empathy, to put it succinctly, is often described and defined as that which you feel "as if you were in another person's shoes."
the reason i have difficulty with this word is that it is so self-centered.
when stripped of false noble intent, empathy is little more than self-pity. one puts himself into the shoes of another, and for a moment, imagines what it is like to be that person, and welcomes the rush of emotion and feeling that comes with that thought. it might even drive you to expressing such a response exteriorly, through tears and the like. perhaps this helps the person who you are empathizing with. i won't deny that. but in effect, you are momentarily engaged, and will soon disengage, and feel the relief, "whoo boy, i'm glad that's not ME!!" whether you say or think that does not matter. YOU know that's what's doing on.
in some ways, empathy is quite despicable, because it is extreme selfishness.
compassion, however, means something else entirely. broken down, the meaning comes from two parts: "com"- meaning: together, and "passion"- meaning: suffering/intense, driving feeling or emotion.
compassion makes no absurd claim to "know what you are going through." we say that all the time, but it simply isn't true. we DON'T know. some ppl who have lost loved ones or have gone through something terrible hear such "comforting" words all the time from friends, close ones. all it does is alienate the sufferer. because the sufferer knows well, there is NO way you are suffering as i am suffering, my friend.
what compassion DOES do, however, is admit that no such pretense exists. it says simply, we will go through this together. maybe i CAN'T suffer as you do, maybe i WON'T truly know what you are going through, but heck, i'm gonna be here by your side, and we will do battle together. if i were a patient, THIS is what i want from my doctor. not some smile and fake reassurance that he gives to all his suffering patients. i want the reassurance that he will be with me all the way. yeah, it's asking a lot from a doctor. it means more than doing your job and going home. i thought about this when my mom went to sloan kettering for breast lumpectomy. it meant so much that jimmy was affiliated with cornell, and that the surgeon had a relationship with jimmy.
i want to be the type of doctor that will treat each and every patient as though he/she were my mom or my dad.
i don't want to be too cynical. i believe that true compassion exists. but i think that what passes for empathy, at least, is often self-pity. myself, i am always in doubt of my own true intention in my responses, and i always ask myself that: are you pitying youself? or are you really with them?
from a different angle, there is another meaning to "compassion" that i really like. compassion means to experience a feeling or emotion, strong driving emotions, together... it is quite romantic and powerful. it is an entire love story told in a single word. COMPASSION.
yakob at 2:22 AM
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in a debate concerning these two words, nearly everyone was for empathy in a patient-physician relationship, while i was for compassion. my reasons:
when someone tells me to empathize, something in me rebels against that thought right away. empathy, to put it succinctly, is often described and defined as that which you feel "as if you were in another person's shoes."
the reason i have difficulty with this word is that it is so self-centered.
when stripped of false noble intent, empathy is little more than self-pity. one puts himself into the shoes of another, and for a moment, imagines what it is like to be that person, and welcomes the rush of emotion and feeling that comes with that thought. it might even drive you to expressing such a response exteriorly, through tears and the like. perhaps this helps the person who you are empathizing with. i won't deny that. but in effect, you are momentarily engaged, and will soon disengage, and feel the relief, "whoo boy, i'm glad that's not ME!!" whether you say or think that does not matter. YOU know that's what's doing on.
in some ways, empathy is quite despicable, because it is extreme selfishness.
compassion, however, means something else entirely. broken down, the meaning comes from two parts: "com"- meaning: together, and "passion"- meaning: suffering/intense, driving feeling or emotion.
compassion makes no absurd claim to "know what you are going through." we say that all the time, but it simply isn't true. we DON'T know. some ppl who have lost loved ones or have gone through something terrible hear such "comforting" words all the time from friends, close ones. all it does is alienate the sufferer. because the sufferer knows well, there is NO way you are suffering as i am suffering, my friend.
what compassion DOES do, however, is admit that no such pretense exists. it says simply, we will go through this together. maybe i CAN'T suffer as you do, maybe i WON'T truly know what you are going through, but heck, i'm gonna be here by your side, and we will do battle together. if i were a patient, THIS is what i want from my doctor. not some smile and fake reassurance that he gives to all his suffering patients. i want the reassurance that he will be with me all the way. yeah, it's asking a lot from a doctor. it means more than doing your job and going home. i thought about this when my mom went to sloan kettering for breast lumpectomy. it meant so much that jimmy was affiliated with cornell, and that the surgeon had a relationship with jimmy.
i want to be the type of doctor that will treat each and every patient as though he/she were my mom or my dad.
i don't want to be too cynical. i believe that true compassion exists. but i think that what passes for empathy, at least, is often self-pity. myself, i am always in doubt of my own true intention in my responses, and i always ask myself that: are you pitying youself? or are you really with them?
from a different angle, there is another meaning to "compassion" that i really like. compassion means to experience a feeling or emotion, strong driving emotions, together... it is quite romantic and powerful. it is an entire love story told in a single word. COMPASSION.
yakob at 2:22 AM